I DECIDE TO LEAVE AGAIN
My 13 year old sister got together with a young man. I was angry with her. I said that I was working so hard so she could move ahead in life and she was wasting her time with someone who would probably leave her in the end. My older sister supported her and said I should get married too. But I said I was not going to be with anyone. I needed to move ahead. I said, OK, it is her life and I am going to leave for the US.
My older sister was afraid for me. She was afraid she would lose me. But my thinking was that there was no dignified work and I was so depressed at the loss of my parents that I did not want to live anymore. I would look around me and see someone walking by who looked like my mother. I wanted to put all this behind me. I told my sister—either I go to the US or I kill myself.
So my sister said, go if you want to and we will look for how to pay a Coyote (smuggler) for you. Go, but no suicide. By this time the older generation was all gone and we didn’t get along with our cousins.
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